As I’m lounging comfortably in a cafe in Luang Prabang, Laos, I can feel the threads of energy connecting me with two people in my near proximity.
One of them is a woman with whom I’ve traveled for the last week, and I know we are very good friends – we share the same ideas and views on life, we see fun in a similar way, we make plans to see each other in the future, and I just like to spend time with her and her husband. We have a similar route, so it works out perfectly to explore the friendship connection we have among the three of us.
The other one is a man to whom I feel attracted, and I’m a bit unsure of how things will unfold – is it a real connection, or is it just physical? Too soon to tell. The other people around, although I know some of them, do not occupy any space in my mind, and do not activate anything in me.
I love to travel. I meet so many people, many more than I meet in the static life at home. I can confidently say that I see hundreds of new people every week. I have many things in common with them right from the start: they are travelers, therefore open-minded, curious, young in spirit and most times in age, with a sense of adventure, most likely fit and in good spirits. This is already a very good pool for selecting possible connections.
And yet, a connection goes way beyond a very good pool. Out of these hundreds, every once in a while I meet a pair of eyes and I just know that something’s there. I pay attention to it, as I’m very curious if it turns into something meaningful, or it’s just a passing moment. It turns out that I have a pretty good feeling about it. It usually becomes an interaction – behind that pair of eyes and mine, there is the desire and will to connect and explore.
A connection can be with anybody: a woman or a man, young or old. With women, it’s pretty straightforward for me – we become very good friends. With men, it’s a little more… loaded. I mean with available men that fit within some age and looks parameters. The rest of men outside of these parameters, straightforward friendship as well.
But let’s go back to the loaded stuff, let’s call them generically “men”. There are some very fine nuances here that are hard to decipher – is it just a friendship connection, or just a physical attraction, or a combination of the two? And what are the emotional implications? Arghhh…. I don’t even know why I should care. Most likely because I’m a nerd, and I like to analyze stuff. I’m curious to see if I can make a distinction between these nuances, and then go in the right direction. I mean choose a course of action that will make for an optimum type of relationship, and not waste energy with other implications.
One thing in particular that I pay attention to is the amount of energy that is to be exchanged in a connection. There’s always a moment when you feel that there’s nothing left. That moment can come in a few minutes, hours, days, or you can part ways and know something’s still left to explore. Especially in real life, it’s very important to sense that moment. We usually end up staying in relationships beyond the point of quality exchange, out of habit and fear. That’s when we start to feel trapped, and accumulate resentments – there’s no value added.
The rules of the game:
- circumstances are of utmost importance;
- everything is temporary, so practice detachment;
- it’s all about you and what you take out of it;
- connections are very rare, so quantity in selection pool is important;
- take all the lessons and apply in life.
I know that experience teaches many things, while mere reflection will not change a thing. In other words, practice makes perfect. So I explore and make mistakes, with the hope that I’ll become an expert in this game with no rules and an infinite of exceptions. And as the saying goes – “I never make the same mistake twice, I make it six or seven times just to be sure”. Damn, it’s such a complicated game, I’m making mistakes way more than that. Game on :).