And if I show you my dark side, will you still hold me tonight?
And if I open my heart to you and show you my weak side, what would you do?
~ The Final Cut, Pink Floyd
In loving memory of my dear high school friend, Adrian, who passed away a long time ago. He once dedicated these lyrics to me, like he dedicated many things to many girls – sweet lover boy. It was the first time that I reflected on the dark side – What dark side? What does it mean?
The song describes a heavy, heavy dark side, very deep and well guarded.
And far from flying high in clear blue sky,
I’m spiraling down to the hole in the ground where I hide;
If you negotiate the minefield in the drive,
And beat the dogs, and cheat the cold electronic eyes,
And if you make it past the shotguns in the hall,
Dial the combination, open the priest hole,
And if I’m in I’ll tell you what’s behind the wall.
Minefields, shotguns, combination locks – why so complicated?! Does being human have to get so serious?
I have been searching for my own dark side, trying to understand its nature. I searched and searched, and… I’m not giving up.
In the meantime, I’m being entertained by a puffy rabbit adorned with horns. He roams free, but likes to stay near; so I built a fence for his safety. He is so funny he plays the devil with me. For example, he takes pleasure in hearing the word “fuck”, so I give it to him sometimes. Or he likes to eat sweets, and as much as I explain to him that sweets are not good for health, he claims that he’s got cravings. Other times he insists on doing crazy things like playing with caged tigers, or eating meat, or wasting food – you know, ignorant stuff that you do when you don’t take into account the sufferance of others. And what the fuck, he sometimes talks too much about scandalous matters that decent people do not talk about. I even find him gossiping at times. And many other little things that I cannot talk about.
And it gets worse. If you say something about him, good or bad doesn’t matter, he feels like a star. He may even think it’s funny if you make bad comments on his account. And if he finds them unintelligent, gosh, he could plainly start laughing in your face little bastard. He doesn’t give a damn, and you just can’t have your way with him. I keep explaining to him that laughing at people is not nice, and that we all make judgment errors once in a while. But it seems like sometimes he has a mind of his own.
He is so cute, I tend to give in to him. I love him so much poor thing, that he gets his way. I’m lenient with him; maybe that’s why he’s not mean to me.
Sometimes when he exaggerates, I pull him on a side and explain that it’s not appropriate behavior. When he pulls a tantrum, I look at him like a severe parent, and he gets that he’s gone too far.
Humanity has tried to deal with little devils since the beginning of time. Based on my historic research, people have adopted there main strategies throughout time:
- Kill them – Impossible. God gave us angels and devils, and that’s that.
- Lock them in the dungeon – Highly appealing. You’d think you throw them away in the dark corners of the castle, starve them to death, and they wouldn’t bother you anymore. But I know what mine would do: he would get terribly upset for being mistreated, and would start screaming in my head. The whole castle would be upside down.
- Tame them – This is the strategy I’m attempting. Works quite alright, we are good friends him and I. I’m not even sure I want to tame him to perfection – how would my little devil look like without his horns?
I keep searching for the real demons, the scary ones you know. Maybe I’ll find them seven levels deep. When I do, I’ll see if I’m really a good devil whisperer, or just full of hot air. In the meantime, my little devil and I are getting along just fine.